


Helgeven

by KarasuNei



Series: The Road goes ever on and on [6]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Blind! Jack, Fluff, Heavy Angst, M/M, Melancholy, Mention of Death, minor Reinhardt/Mercy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-07-24 02:54:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7490478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KarasuNei/pseuds/KarasuNei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel Reyes has always been a certain man. But it is time to make a choice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Empty Air

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Blizzard owns Overwatch and my soul.
> 
> This fic won't be as lighthearted as my previous fics, that much I can warn you all. Proceed with cautions.  
> There is a reason that Character Death is NOT a tag and it WILL NOT be a tag.  
> Also there will be mentions/snippets of very obscure songs >.>;  
> Please don't hurt me?
> 
> Also shout-out to [misbehavingvigilante](http://archiveofourown.org/users/misbehavingvigilante/pseuds/misbehavingvigilante) for not abandoning my sad, sad ass T_T...

* * *

 

 

                The rain tends to make some people moody, and Jack is one of those people.

 

                He wasn’t used to be like this before. Well, before he went blind, that is. Jack loved the rain then, loved feeling the coolness of water on his skin and the earthy smell of it. It felt cleansing to him, taking away the blistering heat of being holed up in a base during summer and relaxing his sore, beaten up muscles. Or, if he was signed for leave, Jack would read a book or two on his parents’ porch, content to curl up on the creaky armchair and listen to the refreshing pitter-patter.

 

                Now, they all hurt his head.

 

                On his better days, Jack doesn’t particularly mind it. But on his worst days, every droplet sounds like broken glass to him and the humidity makes his old wounds ache. During the short time they had in Gibraltar, there wasn’t much he could complain about the weather. The typical, mild Mediterranean climate was pleasant, though Jack supposes he was lucky to have dodged that whole Levanter extremes thing. But here, in Hanamura, there is no escaping the rainy season.

 

                Jack has been avoiding the team as much as he can since it started. They have recently recruited a few new faces around here, a Korean kid named Hana Song and a fucking DJ of all people, Lúcio Correia dos Santos, so thank fuck the team haven’t been questioning Jack’s sudden disappearance. And Jack has made sure to have Winston send Gabriel off to a mission just a day before the whole shebang began. Best to keep him out of the way, instead of becoming a casualty. Jack has been grouchier than usual, grouchier than Gabriel, and he feels slightly bad for being snappish towards the guy just before his mission.

 

                Ah, well, they have never been a touchy feely kind of couple anyway.

 

                For most of the days, Jack stays holed up in his shared room with Gabriel, laying furled and half-naked on the futon with the blanket over his head. But the silence helps little. His far-too-keen hearing sense can pick up just about everything in the compound. His joints ache, particularly his fingers, arms and knees. Jack knows he should be seeing Angela about this, he really should, but aging isn’t something she can fix. Unless she gives him whatever she is doing to herself, if everyone’s exclamation about her appearance is to be accounted for. Jack isn’t sure if he would want that. And deep down, Jack knows the true reason for his irritability.

 

                It isn’t even the noises or the aches that bother him so much. Jack has endured being shot, being half-dead, going through the soldier enhancement program, having an entire building collapsed on him. No…Jack isn’t too weak of a man to have mere annoyances defeat him so easily...Even if they give him terrible migraines.

 

                _Time has always been a cruel thief._

 

                Jack chuckles dryly to himself, and regrets the action immediately.

 

                If Jack was honest with himself, then he would admit he is _terrified_. He may not be able to see, but he knows very well that every tick of the clock is passing through his fingers without ever getting back. He knows his friends, those who fight and laugh and love beside him are getting older day by day. And he knows that Gabriel is perpetually unchanging.

 

                 Jack can feel it on his fingertips and deep within his bones. Every plane of skin that is no longer blotched like the first time they met again, in that tiny Gibraltar cell. Tight muscles that never seem to falter. The man that Jack finally gets to reacquaint and memorise after so long…

 

                 The thoughts alone make his hand ball into fist, and Jack punches the mattress, barely even winces at the contact. It is foolish. He can’t, _nobody_ can afford to think like this. Not at a time like now. People die. Hell, they all expect to die every time they go out there, guns blazing and dodging the many hails of bullet that they always meet. It is a risk that they take, the moment they picked up the weapons and formed their beliefs.

 

                Yet, there is mercy in a quick death.

 

                To live and wither away would be the ultimate punishment. To live and watch the ones you hold dear wither away would be even beyond that.

 

                This time, the noise Jack huffs out is both pained and bitter.

 

                Of course, he has to circle around and worry about Gabriel in the end. That fucking bastard…Jack runs clammy fingers through his hair, screwing his eyes shut. The world they live in isn’t fair. Jack has learned that the hard way. It changes nothing. His scowl grows heavier as the corners of his eyes twitch.

 

                …Perhaps these annoyances aren’t minor after all. He should see Angela, get something for his head. But for now, Jack just can’t be bother to get up. Not with the pitter-patter of the rain outside, and the earthy smell that seems to have ingrained itself into the tatami mats…

 

 

 

                He wakes, blearily, to cool, damp skin and breaths ruffling his hair. Jack’s first instinct is to frown, second is to close his eyes again and snuggle closer to the throat before him, feeling the rumble of chuckle against his forehead. They say nothing, not for a long while, as Jack let the sound of Gabriel’s heartbeats drown out the noises surrounding them, fading into the background of the pitter-patter…

 

                He doesn’t ask why Gabriel is almost three days earlier from his expedited return date. Not with Gabriel’s hand smoothing down his bare back. Jack presses closer, his nose squeezed against a collarbone.

 

                “Gabe?”

 

                “Hm?”

 

                “Remember when you used to sing?”

 

                “Before my voice didn’t sound like sandpaper on concrete? Yeah. And I didn’t _sing_ , _cabrón_. Jesus, people’d think I was in a mariachi ensemble or some shit.”

 

                This drawls out a genuine laugh from Jack, with how Gabriel attempts to rasp his voice as throatily as possible. The man has always had a knack for dramatic flairs…

 

                “Try anyway? For me?”

 

                “…You’re needy whenever this kicks up, y’know?”

 

                Jack bites the flesh in front of him. Gabriel doesn’t even flinch. His hand travels lower and gropes at Jack’s ass instead, drawing out yet another laughter.

 

                “That’s gonna cost ya, _guapo_.” Gabriel drawls in a very stereotypical Mexican accent, nuzzling into the soft hair in front of him, and Jack feels the grin against his scalp, “Can’t _starve_ a _rising_ artist now, can we?”

 

                The puns are just _terrible_ , and Jack can’t take him seriously even when Gabriel rubs their crotches together.

 

                And yet…they make love that night, in the clicking of raindrops and the humid scent of soil, with quiet gasps that shake the very core of Jack’s existence, and the faint buzzing of noises that has drifted to the back of his head.

 

                Clearest of all, has been the breathlessness in which Gabriel has sung, in his ruined voice that presses against Jack’s shoulder like a broken prayer.

 

 _“…If I should run ten thousand miles home_  
_Would you be there..?_  
_Just a taste of things to come_  
_I still smile_  
_But I don't wanna die alone_  
_I don't wanna die alone_  
_Way before my time…”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just the beginning...
> 
> The song is [Before My Time](https://youtu.be/7bJZDgWAOQU?list=PL-0WYvTYlE7enObofo88Gv-4y8kucIP2h).
> 
> Visit my tumblr for more Blizz trash: [Nei Karasu](http://neikarasu.tumblr.com/)
> 
> ./go drown myself in my own tears


	2. Lucidity

                “You knew.”

 

                Jack says nothing. The accusing tone makes him wince, though perhaps it is also because of the disappointment and the swirling of rage beneath it all. Gabriel doesn’t care. He didn’t sit through that certain conversation with Ziegler for _this_.

 

                “Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

                “Figured you wouldn’t want to hear that from me.” Jack keeps his tone even, and that is the last straw for Gabriel to pick up the nearest object, a decorative and probably expensive vase, and hurls it at the wall behind Jack’s head. The wince turns into a full scowl, Gabriel knows it is only stubbornness that keeps the fucker from doubling over and cradling his throbbing forehead, the noise painful to his migraine. It gives Gabriel a spike of odd, savage satisfaction. Nevertheless, he let out a loud, long string of curses in Spanish, and kicks the cupboard over for good measure.

 

                He knew something was up when he was added to the mission at the last minute. Or when Jack had been snappish towards him just a few days before. Gabriel just didn’t expect the reason to be _this_.

 

                “Gabriel, before we proceeded with the next stage of your treatment, there is something you should know.” Ziegler has been awfully fidgety and, for once, she looked rather _haunted_ despite her usual pristine image, “If we go through with this till the end, you will not be able to retain any of your current ability.”

 

                It took Gabriel a few seconds to comprehend just exactly _what_ Ziegler was offering. His fury has been immediate. The now dent on her desk is testament to that.

 

                “How _dare_ you?!” Gabriel roared, eyes wild and teeth baring, just a hair away from vaulting over and pummel her into the ground, consequences be damned, “How _dare_ you think it is a choice when _you_ are the one to make me suffer _this_ in the first place?!”

 

                Reinhardt, ever the protective fool, has barged through the door then, but Ziegler is a lot smarter than that, her hand raising to stop the German from physically retraining Gabriel, “Please, Gabriel. Just…think about it, alright?” She knew the moment someone touched him, her life would be forfeited, “I just wish to offer you this choice, because…it hadn’t be a choice for you before.”

 

                “And _whose fault is that_?!” Gabriel snarled. Reinhardt took a cautious step forward. Gabriel whipped his head around and sneered at the old man warningly. Good to know they still take precautions against him. With one last look at the doctor, who was paled and conflicted, Gabriel’s expression was nothing short of disgust, “They call me a monster, Ziegler. But perhaps you’re much the same, underneath all those shining layers you weave around yourself. You nauseate me.”

 

                It didn’t take long to bring him to Jack, and it dawned upon him that the asshole has known all along.

 

                “Let me guess, you’re on her side about this shit.” It isn’t a question, and Gabriel’s voice is dripping with venom and sarcasm. A part of him, the seething, petty and outraged part is hoping Jack would agree. And Jack…Jack just looks tired.

 

                “I’m not.” He turns his blind face to Gabriel, the lines on his aging visage more pronounce than ever and his glazed yet pained eyes just makes it all worse. Gabriel scoffs and looks away. “I’m really not, Gabe. Whatever you might be thinking right now, I’m not. Whatever your decision is in the end, I support it. Fuck, _Gabe_.”

 

                The desperate noise makes him turn again and, this time, Jack is hanging his silver head. It is a picture of pure defeat and Gabriel isn’t sure he _wants to see that_ , “It’s not my place to decide what you want to do with your life, Gabe. Hell, _I’m_ tired of people making decisions for us! I wouldn’t stop you if you want to go right now. _Fuck_ , I’d go with you! Just _don’t_ -…”

 

                Sudden outbursts have never been Jack’s thing. So when he swings his arms forward, hands in a hopeless grabbing motion, Gabriel is alarmed.

 

                “ _Goddamn it_.” Gabriel snarls and, _fuck_ , because he really _is_ growing soft now, crushes the crumpled man into his chest. His only consolation is that Jack is also clinging to him for everything that he is worth, for everything that _they_ are worth, and this has been the closest to tears Gabriel has seen Jack in a fucking long time. But it also makes something, deep inside Gabriel’s chest, _hurt_.

 

                Just because the words aren’t spoken, doesn’t mean they aren’t there. Jack Morrison, as grumpy and tough he tries to make himself appear, is only human. And humans all have their fears. Knowing what it is just creates so many more difficulties for Gabriel.

 

                They stay like that, clinging to each other. Gabriel can feel the warmth of Jack’s heavy breaths through the clothes he is wearing, and Jack’s grip is nothing short of bruising. The soldier’s heart is beating too fast and there’s something akin to anxiety crawling under Gabriel’s skin, in place of the rage earlier. All the sudden, he simply feels weary, and the uneasiness slides in his blood is uncomfortably close to the feeling before a battle that he knows for certain is a loss. Gabriel never likes it when he has no idea what to do. There isn’t anything he can say or do that can make this any better.

 

                The choice should be obvious. Gabriel Reyes is nobody’s experiment, he shouldn’t be used as a weapon. He will never be okay with this, not even before he was turned into the monstrosity that he currently is. Especially not when the one responsible is the one offering. Ironically enough, Gabriel _is_ a weapon, honed to kill like a well-oiled machine. But the idea of being used doesn’t sit well in the pit of his stomach, curling and curding sickly in a way that makes Gabriel want to kill.

 

                If Jack had agreed with Ziegler, things would have been a lot easier.

 

                A bitter laughter rolled in the depth of his throat. _They_ would never be _easy_. Hadn’t he told Jack that just a while ago?

 

                Another easy way out is to tell Jack that yes, _yes_ , Gabriel wants to leave, and he _will_ take the soldier with him, willing or not. At this state, Gabriel knows Jack isn’t going to protest. He would laugh, and things would become normal, if only just for a scant few moments. But Gabriel knows better. He knows there would be regrets, there would be even more words left unsaid. And then the old rift would eventually be pried open, bleeding under all the scabs and scars. But this time, there wouldn’t be another chance for either of them to fix anything.

 

                Time only matters to Gabriel when Jack is there. And neither of them is blind to the fact that Jack doesn’t have that much time left.

 

                It will never be so simple. It can never be. Not between the two of them.

 

                If he chooses to go through with this, Gabriel will finally be able to make peace with himself. He will be free of whatever the hell was done to him. He will be _mortal_ again.

 

                Gabriel knows the idea of the soul, the sheer concept of him rejuvenating by eating _souls_ gives Angela Ziegler discomfort. She is a scientist, and there is always a scientific explanation to everything. Much of the same can be said about Winston and Mei, even if the Chinese has a different cultural belief. Gabriel finds the contradiction amusing. “ _Dare to see it for what it could be_ ” his ass. There are just certain lines that they don’t want to cross. Lines that Gabriel crosses almost every day. Perpetually, Gabriel is what people can call an immortal, and he doesn’t give a flying fuck about all the technicality terms those nerds have been using with him.  He can take a bullet to the face and walks away with it. He can throw himself in Widowmaker’s line of sight and flip her the bird. He can take a hail of bullets for Jack without really giving a shit.

 

                Which is the centre of all his problems.

 

                Gabriel doesn’t think Jack realises this. Gabriel is pretty sure the fool still thinks greater of him than he really is. He knows Jack is restless of things that are entirely different from Gabriel’s own worries. Jack doesn’t realise that Gabriel wouldn’t have even considered the options if the soldier _wasn’t_ in the picture.

 

                The abilities are great. They give Gabriel the upper hand in essentially every fight.  But they also give Gabriel pain. The phasing basically deconstructs every single molecule in his body into mist, and regeneration is like dousing his entire being into a bath of ice water. Gabriel would trade that away in a heartbeat for whatever scrape of humanity he has left. Even without the abilities, he is still plenty dangerous, his name still strikes terror into those who know. Gabriel might have let it loose in the past, but he has never planned to rely on these powers and he never will.

 

                But without them, Gabriel is vulnerable and, by extension, so is Jack.

 

                Gabriel doesn’t believe in the cause, hasn’t in a long time. He hunted down all the traitors and loose ends not because he wanted redemption and certainly not to right what was wrong. He wanted pure, cold _revenge_ , and he got just that. He didn’t count on seeing Jack again, though, didn’t count on his priorities to change. Gabriel has died once, he died every other week back then and he still occasionally dies now. Death does not hold his fear, it has been long lost to the physical traumas and the curding darkness under his skin. If Gabriel is honest with himself, and he always is, he would say he doesn’t give a flying fuck about any other person in the world. None of them can make a decision for him, and he would take none of their bullshit opinion into consideration.

 

                But Jack is first now _. Jack is first_. And Gabriel won’t make the same mistake again.

 

                _Fuck._

 

                Gabriel scoffs at his own sentimentality, then huffs and chuckles so very dryly. He didn’t realise since when his hand has threaded itself into Jack’s hair, massaging the warm, soft scalp and when his lips have found Jack’s strained temple. Since when has this become a routine?

 

                What a fucking mess.

 

                “ _No quiero perderte. No otra vez_.” Gabriel mutters, taking solace in the fact that Jack doesn’t understand Spanish. The feeling is mutual, he is sure, and it does not need to be spoken but, for once, Gabriel just wants to hear himself speaking it out loud.

 

                “Gabe?” Jack’s voice is so tired, so _beaten_ , and Gabriel presses his nose flat against the side of his head.

 

                “It’s fine. I’ll…figure something out.” Gabriel sighs, and then finally shifts them from where they are still locked together, “ _You_ , on the other hand, need some sleep.”

 

                Jack’s protests are weak. The sensory overload and the worries haven’t let him sleep well for many nights now. Jack has been clingy, something that he has never been before, and he requests Gabriel to sing for him every night since the latter got back from the mission. And now that Gabriel knows the true reasons, he complies easier, but he also can’t deny that the mood has become heavier, the way that Jack clings to him so tightly in his sleep, face tucking against Gabriel chest as if he could inhale the other man whole and keep him there.

 

                They rid themselves of the clothes, easing down into the futon all wrapped up in each other. For now, there will be a tomorrow. Tomorrow, Gabriel will wring an answer out of himself. But now, he will simply enjoy the feeling of Jack’s skin against his, breaths evening out with every groused word that escapes Gabriel.

 

_“…I’ve seen every sunset, and with all that I’ve learned…_

_It’s to you, I will always, always return_.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song: [ I Will Always Return ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVWQkah4xTQ)
> 
> ./sadness intensify


	3. Mount Osore

                The next few days have been…trying.

 

                Jack, despite his headache growing progressively worse, clenches his teeth and follows Gabriel absolutely everywhere. He refuses to take off his visor around the house, except for when they are together alone in their room, if only to hide the uncomfortable winces and in a desperate attempt to balance out his senses. The fool also denies going to Ziegler, even when Gabriel himself has to suggest this.

 

                “I…I don’t know if I can talk to her right now…” The soldier has answered Gabriel, conflict and pain obvious on his face as his head is cradled and massaged in the ex-Blackwatch’s lap.

 

                Gabriel didn’t ask how Jack has found out about this before him. This is definitely accidental, simply because Gabriel knows the idiot. He doesn’t feel bad, however, that there is now a strain between the ex-Commander and the doctor. If anything, there has been this distance between Jack and Ziegler ever since Gabriel returned. Jack doesn’t know how to act around the doctor anymore, not after everything was explained.

 

                Nevertheless, it is not what Gabriel is concerned about. He just wants to keep Jack out of this shit. The old soldier doesn’t have to go through needless pain.

 

                But Jack is also at the centre of this shitstorm. And Gabriel doesn’t know how to make it any better.

 

                They might be the most problematic couple Overwatch has the pleasure to see both rise and fall, and then revival, literally in every way. But they also know each other like the backs of their hands, and then some.

 

                To put it bluntly, Jack is afraid of Gabriel leaving. Not in the traitorous kind of way, but in a far deeper sense than that. Gabriel, to his credits, doesn’t think that either of them can survive another separation. Jack simply doesn’t have the time or the strength to pull through it once more. And Gabriel would just lose himself. He would make the world burn, or at least until someone finds a way to put him down for good.

 

                They become each other’s shadow. Closure is both a soothing balm and a merciless knife to their hearts. One’s presence is calming to the other and, yet, there is this weight hanging in the air between them, like they expect to have the other being ripped away in any moment. Gabriel couldn’t help but feel a sense of familiarity in this, and the dread it drags up makes him easily grow agitated. He becomes more protective of Jack, too, and, in turn, Jack has this tendency to grip at Gabriel’s wrist so hard, the latter thinks the bruises are now permanent.

 

                The team notice this change quite easily. Even Lena, who always loves hanging around, tries to keep herself out of the way these days. Gabriel doubts Ziegler or Reinhardt have given lips to anyone about the meeting. Ziegler is bound by the whole Doctor and patient confidential pack, while Reinhardt is too much of an honourable fool to do so. Plus, neither of them, or the other scientists, Mei and Winston, who are also involved with this _little project_ , is the gossipy type. Not that anyone actively tries to be nosey about _Reaper’s_ personal business anyway, lest they have a death wish. People are content to leave the worm in the can, even though the tension can be cut like butter around here.

 

                It amuses Gabriel. There wouldn’t be another fallout of Overwatch. Not again. Because Jack is no longer the beacon of this group and Gabriel is no longer the storm that threatens to put out his fire. This time, Jack is but the embers at the pit of the ashes, and Gabriel is the pathetic wraith of a man who tries to shield Jack from the wind. And there is nothing delightful about this irony. Just pure bitterness and fear.

 

                Jack latches onto Gabriel like a vice at night, and Gabriel finds himself returning the gesture. Gabriel doesn’t need sleep, not very much anyway, ever since what happened, but he finds rest easier with Jack nearby. Nowadays, all his nerves are high strung and rest is the furthest thing in his mind.

 

                No man is impervious to fear and Gabriel, even if he isn’t much _human_ , is just a man. Gabriel has always been decisive, always so sure of himself and his actions. It is natural that he hates being in compromised situations like this, being caught between two choices, neither would bring the peace that he needs.

 

                “ _Estoy feliz de compartir cada instante de mi vida a tu lado._ ” He feels stupid, smiling both bitterly and deliriously into Jack’s snow white hair as they curl into each other. Gabriel is being a coward, he knows, but the cover of darkness makes him feel safe, and the warmth in every puff of breath that comes with Jack’s chuckle gives Gabriel the illusion of harmony, “ _Soy muy afortunado de conocerte._ _Cada hora que paso contigo me parece un segundo. Te quiero con todo mi alma_ , _cariño.”_

 

                “You need to tell me what all that means one day.” Jack laughs, his migraine forgotten for just the moment, and prods Gabriel in the stomach.

 

                “One day.” He promises, kissing the soldier soundly.

 

                Gabriel Reyes has never hated Angela Ziegler this much in his life.

 

                It is one thing to know if the one you love is having an incurable sickness. It is one thing to expect Death to come for them because of something you cannot fix. But Time is not their only enemy. With what they have been doing and still is doing…Just one stray bullet, one misstep, one failed second…can end _everything_.

 

                This time, Gabriel might not be able to get there in time to shield Jack from a shot or a collapsing building.

 

                If he chooses to be mortal again and should something happens to Gabriel, Jack would die the next time he set foot on the field. Not because Jack is incompetent, far from it, but his priorities have shifted, much like Gabriel’s have.

 

                If Gabriel chooses to remain like what he is then, well…it was already said.

 

                Grief tends to be an endless circle.

               

                It is ironic, how he has come in the clear, yet the name Reaper will stick with him forever. Gabriel is Death, there to witness and to deliver. He will not be able to save the one person that matters, _the only one_ that matters to him. There is no salvation in the hands of Death. Only sorrow and destruction to be left in its wake. He won’t be able to save Jack in the long run, no matter what, and that alone _kill_ s Gabriel.

               

                And to think they had foolishly wasted so much precious Time in the past.

 

                “Forgive my intrusion, but you look awful.”

 

                Gabriel has snuck out that night. Childish, perhaps, but he needed to think and Jack is in dire need of a good sleep. Some pills stolen from Ziegler’s office fixed that.

 

                It is breath-taking here, atop the Shimada Castle, overlooking Hanamura in her slumber. The town is blanketed in darkness, dotted only by a few late lights. Other areas surrounding this carved-out corner of the world is luminous in their nightly activities, but not here. Only silence and the pale moonlight are Gabriel’s companions. It is the picture of tranquillity, something Zenyatta would love and possibly preach for hours about. And it is a total contrast to what is going on in Gabriel’s mind. At that point, he isn’t sure if he is offended or relieved when Genji shows up.

               

                “What are you doing here?”

 

                The ninja doesn’t answer immediately, but carefully settles down on the slanted roof into a lotus pose. Gabriel watches him out of the corner of his eyes. The silence isn’t entirely unwelcomed. Gabriel and Genji have never really been friends. They are on peaceful terms, of course, but neither ever seek the other out. They exchange curtesy whenever Gabriel decides to join Zenyatta’s meditating sessions, a nod of acknowledgement if they pass each other in the compound and they work well together during missions…the usual expectations for comrades. But nothing more.

 

                “Beautiful, isn’t she?” A cork is popped, and the pleasant smell of _umeshu_ filled the air for a fleeting moment before being swept away by the wind, “I come here to think sometimes. Or to hide from my family, when I was younger.”

 

                A ceramic cup is offered to him and Gabriel takes it out of politeness. _Umeshu_ has a nice scent to it, but the liquor is far too sweet to his taste. Gabriel is surprised a little, as to why Genji favours this weak alcohol compares to whatever Hanzo carries around all the time, but he doesn’t ask, “It is very peaceful here.” Gabriel agrees eventually, swirling the liquid around.

 

                Silence stretches between them then, only interrupted by the very subtle hissing and clicking of Genji removing his mask. Gabriel makes a point to politely keep his eyes forward.

 

                This is a bit too eerie.

 

                Gabriel and Genji are somewhat the same. At least for the being dead and resurrected by Ziegler parts. Genji had once been enraged and repulsed by what was done to him, as well, until his path led him to Zenyatta. From that point onward, their choices have been different. Their life…even more so.

 

                Perhaps Gabriel is a little envious of the Japanese. They might both be freaks of science, but Genji got a far better deal than Gabriel did. Even Ziegler has to figure out what the hell happened to Gabriel along the way of his treatments, going so far as to have Winston and Mei help with this mess. And Gabriel didn’t give a fuck as to what the procedures have been. She fucked up, it’s her mess to clean up. There isn’t a point to regret about that minor mistake. Even if Gabriel had paid attention, smart as he is, he wouldn’t have understood much about what they were doing. So long as whatever they were doing to rid him of this curse, Gabriel didn’t care what they have to do for it.

 

                Not only he isn’t rid of whatever fucked up his body, he gains another curse. Perhaps it is also his own fault for not thinking this through, but Gabriel isn’t the type to add self-loath on top of all the shit that he is bearing, so he didn’t.

 

                “How did it feel when you came back from the dead and see all that was dear to you destroyed?” The question comes out on its own and, in hindsight, Gabriel shouldn’t have said something like that to Genji of all people. But he is tired and his mind is fucked. If a fight is what going to break out, then so be it.

 

                It’s not like he can die, anyway.

 

                “ _Throughout these thousand years, I have finally learned to let go of this sadness. Even if it is ever so fleeting, even if it is ever so fleeting._ ” The humming, raspy answer is unexpected, but there is a light chuckle in the end, “It is the Commander Morrison you worry about.”

 

                “Is it that obvious?”

 

                “He is the only one you care about. It is a natural speculation.”

 

                Gabriel chuckles this time, though the sound is hollow. He decides to take a sip of the _umeshu_ after all, wincing a little at the fruity taste, “I’m only glad that shit is cleared between us. That he is still alive. For now.”

 

                “But he is still here with you. So there still is hope.”

 

                “There is no hope in waiting for Death and watching the one you love whither with Time, Genji.” The words are forced out harsher than he intended, but Gabriel doesn’t feel like he should explain or indulge anyone right now. And Genji doesn’t seem to be looking for an argument either.

 

                “There will never be a choice that leaves you without regret. Regret is there, because you choose for it to be there. You will still be moving forward in life, even if you give yourself the illusion of being at a standstill.” Someone is awfully judicious today. Gabriel doesn’t answer to any of this and Genji quietly refills his own drink.

 

                “You are both alive, and both have a purpose, no?” The ninja continues finally, the quiet clinking of metal and ceramic oddly soothing in the still atmosphere, “You are both fortunate enough to have met one another, separated, then meet again. It is truly remarkable.”

 

                “Remarkable, yes. But whenever we are together, all hell break loose.” Gabriel grouses, getting irritated now. He never took Genji for the mouthy, philosophical type. So much for wanting some quiet time to think alone…

 

                But maybe Genji has a point. And Gabriel scoffs at himself for even thinking that.

 

                Nobody can offer them just two choices. There always has to be another way. The context might be different this time, but the situation is similar. But this time, they have each other’s back. Even if they are cornered against the wall, they will fight tooth and nail to break out of it. Like they have always done. And, this time, they will make it together. Hadn’t he promised Jack that they will make it work?

 

                Gabriel Reyes is damned, but he would be shoved to the deepest bowel of Hell if he let history repeats itself.

 

                Rousing, he bids Genji a goodnight, who only nods in acknowledgement, before phasing away from the quiet roof.

 

                Jack is still sleeping when Gabriel returns, curling on the futon and snoring without a care in the world. It brings a smile to Gabriel as he discards his clothes, and slips in next to the warmth of his soldier. His chest clasps against Jack’s back, pink skin smooth and littered with scars. Gabriel hums in contentment, nosing the soft hair at the base of Jack’s neck.

 

                “Y’ cold…” He mutters in his sleep, though his hand automatically comes up to lace with the one wrapped around his abdomen. Gabriel’s chuckle rumbles in his chest, and he kisses the expanse of skin before him gently.

 

                “Go back to sleep, _cariño_. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

 

                And Jack complies, inching backwards even though there isn’t any more space left between them, letting out a satisfied sigh. Even though his snores aren’t the best lullaby to sleep to, Gabriel’s lids grow heavy, and he bows his head against Jack’s neck, finding his peace in this one moment of clarity.

 

_“…Although I have turned my back against you_

_But I have felt nothing but utmost happiness throughout this journey with you_

_It’s alright if you think I have acted heartlessly_

_But can you greet me with a smile the next time we meet?_

_This song is barely capable of delivering my feelings of admire_

_Yet, it must end here, once and for all._

_Love is the meeting_

_The departure_

_A transparent piece of veil..._ ”

 

               

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you [ Vithar](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Vithar/pseuds/Vithar) for pointing out the mistake.
> 
> Translation:
> 
> Estoy feliz de compartir cada instante de mi vida a tu lado: I’m happy to share each moment of my life by your side.  
> Soy muy afortunado de conocerte: I’m very fortunate to know you.  
> Cada hora que paso contigo me parece un segundo: Each hour that passes with you seems like a second.  
> Te quiero con todo mi alma, cariño: I love you with all of my soul, darling.
> 
> Okay, so, the song in the end is:[ Osorezan Revoir](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdvOi3p4Ybc)  
> The translation for the lyrics can be found [here](https://starsxinxaxjar.wordpress.com/2014/03/16/osorezan-revoir-english/). This song is written based on a poem from a manga called Shaman King by Hiroyuki Takei. The original poem can be found [here](http://neikarasu.tumblr.com/post/147604397588/shaman-king-osorezan-revoir-english-translation%22)
> 
> Well, that's it for now. I hope you guys enjoyed this fic. Only one or two chapters more to go...


	4. Helgeven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Once you stand at the gate to Hel  
> And when you have to tear free,  
> I shall follow you  
> Over Gjallarbrú with my song."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a strange journey this has been. I am utterly humbled that so many of you have enjoyed my story, and I hope you will enjoy this long last chapter of this fic.
> 
> Thank you all so much and I hope to see you again in my other fics!
> 
> [Helgeven](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0PvZGVPiJU) by Wardruna - My forever inspirational song.

* * *

 

                “You will come up with a different solution. A middle ground.”

 

                There isn’t any dramatic desk slamming, snapping or even death glares. Gabriel Reyes simply deadpans, every word is punctured with a tap of his finger. Somehow, it seems to petrify Angela worse than any of the other actions could have.

 

                _Good_.

 

                “P-pardon?”

 

                “I want to retain my abilities. But I don’t want immortality. Find a solution. You owe us that much.”

 

                Simple and straight to the point. Not difficult to understand. But what he requests can rival rocket science in terms of complexity and impossibility. But, then again, doesn’t Ziegler often pride herself as a miracle worker? The way Gabriel sees it, if she could bring him and several others back to life, she can meet his demand. They have the few biggest brains around here, working on _his case_ nonetheless.

 

                If they won’t do it for him, they would do it for Jack.

 

                Gabriel hasn’t told Jack about his decision, he doesn’t want to give the idiot false hope or more worries on his shoulders. Jack’s walls are crumbling under all the burdens he bears already, it is unnecessary to add more. Ziegler knows. Everyone does. Jack tends to get broodier these days, sometimes even snappish. He refuses to go on separate missions from Gabriel. Sentimental and foolish.

 

            Time might have changed his appearance and his view of the world, but Jack is essentially the same. It gives Gabriel the more reasons to push Ziegler into agreeing.

 

                Her pale complexion is alarming, but she does nod, albeit shakily.

 

                There is a satisfying feeling, seeing her like that. Gabriel knows he is being petty, but he isn’t sure if he could still forgive her for what happened. Jack has pointed out, many times, that if it wasn’t for Ziegler, they wouldn’t have been able to meet again and cleared out all the shit between them. And God knows Gabriel would have done it all over again just to be with Jack.

 

                He can, however, make-do without the impossible choices. And seeing Jack being in so much pain.

 

                 This time, Gabriel leaves the Doctor’s office quietly, so much that Reinhardt gives him a suspicious look on the way out. Normally, he would have taunted the old man with a nerve-grating smirk and possibly got beaten up over it. However, despite his calmness speaking to Ziegler earlier, Gabriel’s fists shake where they are curled up by his sides. He really just fucking needs to see Jack.

 

                There isn’t too much effort involved finding him, Jack is in their room, taking apart his pulse rifle and cleaning every piece methodically. Jack is only wearing a pair of loose sweat pants, his foot tapping on the tatami mat to an unknown rhythm like he always does when stressed, top half’s muscles gleaming under a fine sheen of sweat. For a place so extravagant, the Shimada Castle can surely use a few fans or air conditioner to combat the heat of summer. But Gabriel supposes he can’t complain, feasting his eyes upon the lean form he knows so well yet can’t seem to ever get tired of.

 

                “That’s a quick check up.” Observant as always, even though he is blind. Gabriel slides the door close behind himself, pattering his way over to his partner.

 

                “There isn’t much to check up on.” It is the truth. From now on, Gabriel doesn’t expect to get called up to Ziegler’s office much except for a few tests. Jack’s responding hum is non-committed, though the tapping picks up slightly in pace. Gabriel bites back a sigh and slides down to sit shoulder-to-shoulder with him.

 

                Silence is a little too difficult to bear at the moment, so Gabriel doesn’t hesitate to break it, “We should take a vacation.”

 

                Jack scoffs, picking up the front hand guard next, “Isn’t it a bit too late to take a vacation?”

 

                That can be interpreted wrongly on so many levels. A snarky answer is rolling at the tip of Gabriel’s tongue, mostly out of habit, but he isn’t in the mood to bicker at the moment, “Ilios is beautiful all year round. Figure we can use a breather. We sure as fuck earned it and Winston would be glad to kick your grumpy ass off base for a couple of days.”

 

                Alright, so maybe that isn’t exactly different from being snarky. Jack’s elbow digs into his side with a bruising force, but the foot tapping slows down some, “More like he doesn’t want to deal with your and Lena’s shenanigans.”

 

                “Or us having loud sex.”

 

                He receives another elbow to the ribs, but his grin is nothing short of triumphant when Jack finally stills, his rifle part is discarded carelessly as he drops his head on Gabriel’s shoulder. Carefully, Gabriel sneaks an arm around his lover’s bare waist, his other hand rubbing circles into Jack’s knee. It is slightly more bearable, the silence, and Gabriel is content to wait for Jack to take his time.

 

                “I love you.”

 

                It is unexpected, a bit desperate and so heavy with sorrow, Gabriel’s breath catches in his throat painfully. Cowardice as he is, Gabriel presses a kiss against Jack’s temple, nuzzling at the silver hairline with gritting teeth.

 

                “Yeah, I know.”

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

                Ilios is not approved, since it’s so far away, but they got the clear for vacation. Surprisingly, McCree has been rather enthusiastic at suggesting a few locations. Paradises on Earth, the cowboy has said, grinning ear-to-ear like the moron he is. As dismayed as he can be, Gabriel has to admit the kid isn’t lying when he says they will have the time of their life.

 

                Damn, Gabriel wishes Jack could see the sights.

 

                A hidden bay surrounded by mountainous ranges, a cut-out corner of the world in Vietnam, in a place neither of them can pronounce the name properly. The white sand looks almost untouched and the sea is so blue it is difficult to tell apart from the sky. Even though it is supposed to be high time for tourism in the year, the resort is awfully quiet, with but a few guests that lounges in their extravagant villas, wandering the beaches or simply enjoying a posh, pretentious mixed drink at the open bar. The city is said to be filled to the brim with history and cultures, but Gabriel and Jack aren’t up for adventures. They are weary, only looking for some peace and quiet in their chaotic life, which both are highly suspicious of getting disturbed sooner or later by a troop of armed Talon soldiers. But the first day passes by without a sound of gunshot, more hushed than their own dreams.

 

                The villa is four times the size of their room in Hanamura, completed with a balcony overlooking the sea and can host a decent party for the entire team. There is a bathtub carved out of a solid block of stone, a lounge completed with an array of expensive wine, a walk-in closet and a bed that can easily contain both their bulks and more. Of course, first thing in order after their attendant left the premise is to fuck Jack senseless in said bed, because it is so perfectly made it irks Gabriel a little.

 

                Even as he watches Jack writhes among the crimson sheets, mouth agape in a silent scream of his name, so beautifully made _just for him_ , Gabriel still can’t find the courage to _say it_.

 

                Perhaps it is cliché, a little stupid and so damn unnecessary, but somehow Gabriel _knows_ he needs to say those words in a way that Jack would understand. It would hardly be a confession or even a confirmation. But maybe a reassurance, a whole piece of his shattered soul that he _must_ give to Jack.

 

                They take a walk down the beach that afternoon, passing by an unmistakably structure with fluttering white ribbons, dainty, vintage round bulbs and rows of chairs along a white-carpeted aisle. Gabriel tightens their laced fingers a little, moving along with a word.

 

                The food has been excellent, though, scallops and oysters that can’t be any fresher than this, paired with what they call _sea grapes_ that are absolutely refreshing. Even Gabriel can’t find a bad thing to say about the food, but he does pinch Jack’s toned thigh under the table when the bastard snickers at him. They soon fall into the routine of snide, dumb bickering with a side of non-too discreetly prodding between bites of food and, bit by bit, the knot in Gabriel’s chest begins to unravel, if only temporarily.

 

                Obviously, Gabriel had no qualm in having to guide Jack underwater. Wearing the visor in public and undercover is definitely a no, even though it is tucked neatly in the cargo pocket of Jack’s ridiculous shorts. Tacky and unaesthetic, but functional, Gabriel supposes. Though the feeling of Jack tucked flush against him, an arm stretching out wide to feel the water and his toes wiggling in the sand, negates any witty comment Gabriel can think of about the hideous piece of clothing. Jack is smiling, huffing every time a gentle wave meets his chest, his other arm hooks around Gabriel’s waist securely. His skin is getting red from the beating tropical sun and his hair matted down to a sleek grey, but his scarred visage is filled with a hidden joy that makes him seem decades younger, if it isn’t for the crinkles around his eyes. Gabriel can’t help himself, diving in to have a taste of those lips, tasting of the sea and the soft wine they just have, and chuckles when Jack beams at him.

 

                Later that night, when they have another round on the comfortable lounge at their balcony, Jack sighs into Gabriel’s shoulder and moves impossibly closer despite the sticky mess between them.

 

                “This feels good.” The old soldier admits, voice pregnant with content tiredness and sleep.

 

                Gabriel knows exactly how that feels, holding his slumbering lover in his arms and watching the clear night sky in the cool caressing wind.

 

                The vacation is over both quicker and longer than they have anticipated, dividing among delicious food, enjoying the clear ocean and undisturbed bouts of sex. It has been only three days, passing by like a pleasant daydream yet also like a lifetime. Honestly and funnily, Gabriel dreads coming back, back to their usual routines of fighting and killing. Of going on missions that are strenuous and scrambling for survival. Dreads hearing back from Ziegler.

 

                Before they packed up and left with satisfied yet longing feelings, Gabriel finds himself staring just a little too long at Jack. At how he carries himself and how smoky his voice is, gruff yet fine like aged whiskey, how despite the loss of colour, his hair still manages to catch the sun. How every muscle shifts like the waves that have brushed their worries away, how gun-calloused fingers deftly and neatly organise their belongings.

 

                The decision comes so easily, it gives Gabriel a whiplash effect and he might have let out a breathless curse, one that makes Jack alert but quizzical.

 

                And Gabriel laughs, because he just can’t believe how dumb and _utterly fucked_ he is.

 

                When they return to Hanamura, reality hits like a sack of manure that has somehow fossilised yet still gives off a nauseating fume. Jack is broody again and Gabriel generally avoids contact with everyone else. He doesn’t push or threaten Ziegler for her expected solution, when she calls him for the after-trip check-ups. There isn’t much conversation passed between them, only professional, clinical questions and answers. There are bags under her eyes and her normally impeccable ponytail is frayed around the edges just as her obvious exhaustion, but Gabriel makes no comment. He catches the other scientists staring at him whenever they cross paths from time to time. Gabriel doesn’t pay much attention to it, even when Winston seems caught between anger and intrigue, while Mei simply observes, deep in thoughts. Gabriel doesn’t mind or rather tries to not mind, as tests, old and new alike, are done. Not for the first time, he is grateful to Jack’s understanding of the matter, silent in his vigil even though the old soldier is obviously torn apart.

 

                Gabriel can only hope that he will be able to make up for this guilt. Keeping things a secret have never been good, especially between the two of them. There are far too many examples already.

 

                When Ziegler tells him it will be risky, that there will be chances that his body would reject the process and might revert to where they started, to _Reaper_ , Gabriel has said yes.

 

                Because if there is a chance for happiness, even if the price is steep and the road ahead full of caltrops while he has to walk barefoot, Gabriel would take it. He is a greedy man by nature and hasn’t his life a big shitty gamble already?

 

                It is due time that fortune smiles upon him, just as Jack has among the waves.

 

                Six months later, when Gabriel is addled as fuck, his legs barely able to carry his weight and eyes blurry as if he has just run through a sandstorm, he swings the sliding door open, breaking it in the process and stumbles into Jack’s startled lap, grinning like a maniac.

 

                “Marry me.”

 

                He can see the shock vibrating through Jack’s entire body. He can see his reflection on murky eyes, skin tanned as it should be and hair grey around the edges, healthy with just a taste of ash and smoke on the tip of his tongue.

 

                Jack looks like he is going to cry.

 

                There isn’t going to be a forever for either of them. Their days are numbered and Gabriel can’t be any fucking gladder for it. They will tread their paths to Hell together, kicking and screaming and singing at the top of their lungs. And if what little left of his abilities can elongate that road, then Gabriel would cling to it with hands and teeth, just like he would never let go of Jack again.

 

                Perhaps Ziegler really _is_ a miracle worker, after all.

 

                So with a shaking finger pad, he brushes Jack’s marred, quivering lips with a smile, gentler and with a clarity he has never had before.

 

                “I love you.”

 

                And he laughs, even when Jack tackles him to the floor, words blurred among slurs of curses, “yes” and hiccoughs. Because, for once, Gabriel Reyes finally feels whole.

 

 


End file.
